Defective by Susan Sofayov

Author:Susan Sofayov
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: romance, bipolar disorder, new adult, losing a lover, bipolar 2 disorder bipolar mental illness womens fiction new adult family conflict true love
Publisher: Black Opal Books

CHAPTER 15

Emptiness

No follow-up discussion of the Thanksgiving incident occurred. Even Amy lacked the courage to bring up the subject when I arrived at her house early for babysitting duty the following weekend. I preferred to ignore the subject. Talking about it equated to reliving it. No one complained when Justin announced that he would remain in California for Christmas. Without him at the table, it would be much easier to erase the toast from the collective family memory.

Final exams fell between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I couldn't pull myself away from the books and skipped two therapy appointments with Karen. The overwhelming amount of homework reduced my life to eat, sleep, class, and study.

I promised Karen I would show up for my first appointment of the New Year. Actually, I couldn't wait to tell her about my stable mood. Today, I trotted down the flight of steps leading to her basement office. When I entered the waiting area, it tickled me to see that the magazine selection was updated. Good bye Car & Driver, hello Ladies Home Journal. I hit the buzzer, sat down, and started leafing through one of the outdated copies.

I heard the click of the doorknob before I saw the door open. "Hi, Maggie. Come on in."

Quickly, we settled into our regular spots. Karen skipped the pleasantries and got to the point. "So tell me, are the drugs still working?"

"Yes, Karen, the lights are still shining. The change inside of my head is incredible. It is pure joy, and I'm proud to say my mood has remained the same since before Thanksgiving."

She glowed with happiness. "Another patient once described the drug hitting as a switch in the brain flicked from the 'off' position to the 'on' position. As I understand it when that drug hits, the world brightens,"

"Brightened is a gross understatement," I said.

"Are you experiencing any side effects?" She asked.

"Other than caffeine bothering me, none. I've switched to decaf."

"How's the noisy brain?"

"Karen, to me, quieting the brain was a term my yoga instructor used as a polite replacement for the words she really wanted to say, 'Class, shut up.' Now I understand she said it because she meant it. People do have the ability to control their thoughts. Before this medication, my brain acted like a turbo-charged, six-slice toaster. Instead of whole-wheat or rye bread popping out of the slots, mine popped out random thoughts, all at the same time. I never really focused on one idea at a time."

"That bad?" she asked.

Uncrossing my legs and leaning forward, I replied, "Absolutely. During my classes, it amazed me how other people managed to take such detailed notes during lectures. Now I understand. Their sole focus was the professor's words. Try comprehending a lecture, taking notes, and listening to an IPod simultaneously. The IPod in my brain generated a constant something. Call it vibes, energy or noise, whatever. I just know my brain never shut off."

"How's your note taking now?"

I smiled and gave her the thumbs up. "But I'm not going to lie to you.

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